Mud Slinging
by angelrider93
Summary: ONESHOT response to a challenge. I don't have a summary suffice to say that its amusing to read so PLEASE READ IT! DMHG i hope you enjoy it!


Alright, this fic is a response to a friend who challenged me. She gave me eight things and I had to create a fic that included them all. She is a huge Dramione fan so of course this is a Dramione fic.

Here are the eight requirements:

1 – Humor/Romance genre

2 – 6th Year non HBP compatible

3 – Snape and McGonagall to be mentioned and out of character

4 – Draco to throw something at Hermione

5 – The line 'Welcome to my world Draco!' to be said by Hermione

6 – The line 'Its always the quiet ones!' to be stated by a Slytherin male of any age

7 – A bet of some kind to be included

8 – Story to be a oneshot only!

After thinking about this for several days, the following fic is what I came up with, I hope you enjoy it as much as my friend did.

THIS IS A ONESHOT ONLY, THERE WILL BE NO MORE CHAPTERS, NOR WILL THERE BE A SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers angelrider93

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Harry Potter.

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Mud Slinging**

Harry, Hermione and Ron were out on the Hogwarts grounds. It was two weeks into the first term of their sixth year at the wizarding school and they were enjoying the sunshine after a heavy rainstorm the night before.

"Well, well, if it isn't Mudblood, Scarhead and Weasel" a familiar drawling voice said behind them. The three turned to see the sneering face of Draco Malfoy. He was surrounded by his fellow Slytherin sixth years Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. Hermione sighed in annoyance, she really didn't feel like exchanging insults with her enemy today.

"Bugger off you inbred albino, go play with yourself" she stated before turning around and continuing on her way. Harry and Ron, after exchanging shocked glances at Hermione's language turned and followed her, neither boy wanting to fight on the first day of sunshine for over a week.

"How dare you speak to me like that!" Draco shouted incensed. Hermione ignored him and continued to walk away. She froze in her tracks when something cold, wet and sticky his her in the middle of her back. Whipping around she saw Draco and his cronies laughing as he used his wand to clean mud off his hand. Stalking slowly towards him, Hermione narrowed her eyes.

"Did you just throw mud at me?" she inquired with fake sweetness.

"Yes! Now you're muddy on the outside as well as on the inside" Draco retorted smugly. Hermione kept stalking him slowly. She didn't draw her wand, if Draco wanted to throw mud at her the muggle way, then she was going to retaliate the muggle way, Merlin knew that she had had a lot of practice with her male cousins over the years.

"Mione don't, he's not worth it" Harry said to her gently as he took a hold of her arm. Hermione shot a glare at him and Ron that effectively silenced the two of them, both aware of her temper.

"So I'm muddy am I?" Hermione asked as she continued to stalk slowly towards Draco until she was just two feet away from him.

"You're a filthy, dirty Mudblood, wallowing in filth like a pig in a sty" Draco clarified with a smirk.

"So you believe that I live in a sty do you Malfoy?" Hermione asked quietly. Harry and Ron's eyes widened and they stepped back a few paces, they knew that tone well and it didn't bode well for whoever her temper was aimed at, nor did it bode well for those in the closest vicinity. Blaise and Theo, who had been watching Harry and Ron, noticed their retreat and decided that if anyone knew what Hermione Granger was capable of it was the Gryffindor golden boys. They quickly took a few steps away from Draco, hoping that whatever was about to happen, they wouldn't get caught in the crossfire.

"I don't believe that you live in a sty, I KNOW that you live in one, all muggles do!" Draco retorted. Hermione nodded in understanding.

"Well in that case…" Hermione started, then leapt forwards and wrapping her arms around Draco's waist, tackled him into the giant mud hole situated behind him, "Welcome to my world _Draco!_" Hermione finished as she rolled off the now completely muddy blonde. Harry, Ron and all the Slytherin's were standing there in total shock as they saw the two laying in the mud, they hadn't expected Hermione to retaliate quite like that. Draco sputtered in surprise and fury as he sat up and wiped at the dark brown mud that was dripping from his hair into his face.

"You…You filthy, disgusting Mudblood!" Hermione waved her hand around airily,

"Yes, yes, I know all that, care to invent some new insults?" she replied flippantly.

"You should learn to respect your superiors" Draco fumed. Hermione raised her eyebrow sardonically.

"I do respect my superiors" then she laughed gaily and added, "I certainly hope that you're not delusional enough to imply that you're my superior"

"I'm not delusional, you're the one that believes that she's important and has friends simply because they keep her around to help them pass their classes" Draco retorted. Hermione's eyes narrowed in fury.

"THAT'S IT!" she shrieked and before anyone knew what she was doing, she kicked off her shoes. Both went flying through the air. One hit Crabbe in the face and sent the hulking Slytherin unconscious to the ground with a muddy footprint in the middle of his bulbous features. The other went flying into Goyle's stomach, winding him. Her robe went sailing through the air and Harry caught it with a grimace as mud splattered his glasses. Hermione yanked her tie off and threw it over her shoulder, before reaching up and ripping her shirt off, revealing a tight white tank top that outlined her sizable bust and flat stomach. Draco, Theo and Blaise's eyes widened as her body, until now hidden under her bulky robes was revealed to them. None of them had realized that Mudblood Granger had the body of a goddess. Hermione tossed her shirt aside, leaving her there in just her skirt, socks and tank top. Hermione launched herself at Draco and sent them both tumbling back into the mud, both wrestling with the other to gain the upper hand. Ron glanced at the Slytherins and saw that Hermione's shirt had landed on Theo's head and the dirty blonde Slytherin was pulling it off with an unreadable expression on his face. Her tie had ended up slung over Blaise's shoulder. Narrowing his eyes, the redhead stormed over to the two and snatched both the shirt and tie from them, returning to Harry's side he turned his attention to the wresting match being held between the Gryffindor Princess and the Slytherin Prince.

Hermione's shriek had drawn the attention of the other students on the grounds. Now a sizable audience was gathered around the mud hole all shouting and cheering for the opponent that they were barracking for. Professors Snape and McGonagall were also drawn by the commotion and both stood stunned at the spectacle before their eyes. Snape turned to McGonagall.

"Ten galleons says that Draco wins"

"You're on, I believe that Miss Granger will win this one" McGonagall replied with a smug grin as she continued to watch her prize student evade her opponents grasp.

Draco was momentarily stunned to see the perfect body that the Gryffindor bookworm hid beneath her robes. Too caught up in admiring the view, he hadn't suspected the attack when she pounced on him and drove him back into the mud. Working quickly he moved to pin her as they rolled around in the mud. Neither had noticed the audience that they had garnered, too intent on beating the other as they continued to wrestle.

'_Damn, Granger's as slippery as an eel' _Draco thought to himself as once again Hermione slipped out of his hold and sent them tumbling again. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but Hermione's movements were turning him on as her body rubbed sensuously against his own. Breathing heavily Draco finally managed to get her wrists in his grip and pin her to the ground. His body was stretched along hers and his hips were cradled between her thighs. Her skirt had ridden up and Draco saw smooth creamy skin that was covered in mud. Groaning inwardly at the feeling of her centre pressed tightly against his loins, Draco panted and steadied his breath before he smirked down at her.

"How does it feel Granger, to be beneath me where you belong?" He smugly asked, allowing the sexual innuendo to permeate his tone. Hermione looked up at him as he lay above her. Catching his innuendo and returning it she saucily replied.

"Actually I prefer to be on top, more freedom of movement and ability to change angles" then with one swift move that caught the blonde by surprise she wrapped her legs around his hips and threw her weight sideways, rolling them over until she was pinning him to the ground and straddling his hips.

"What the hell Granger?" Draco demanded, shocked by the sudden movement.

"Do you yield?" Hermione asked. Draco narrowed his eyes and tried to buck Hermione off. She held fast and when he gave up, settled herself upon his hips again.

"Get off me Granger!"

"Do you yield?" Hermione asked again.

"Never!" Draco spat. Hermione raised her eyebrow and ground her hips down against his. Draco hissed through his teeth as a wave of pleasure shot through his body.

"Do you yield?"

"No!" Draco snapped. Hermione ground her hips down again causing Draco to gasp and stiffen.

"I'll ask again Malfoy, do you yield?"

"Dammit Granger that's cheating!" Draco cried out as she ground her hips down a third time.

"Its not cheating, it's a tactical maneuver, employed by women for generations when wanting to garner victory over men" Hermione returned smugly as she rolled her hips in a different movement that caused sweat to pop up on Draco's forehead. Draco saw stars behind his eyelids and knew that if he didn't do something soon, he was going to embarrass himself. Who knew that it would be a prudish know-it-all that would cause such a reaction from him.

"Merlin Granger, where the hell did you learn to do that?" Draco asked, stalling for time before he would have to eat humble pie and concede defeat.

"I don't only read text books Malfoy" Hermione replied with a suggestive wink. Draco's eyes widened at her insinuation before they closed and an involuntary groan escaped him as Hermione repeated the rolling movement.

"Alright dammit, I yield, I yield, you win" Draco cried out as his body arched against hers. McGonagall held out her hand and grinned as a sour Snape placed ten galleons into her palm. Putting the coins into her pocket she patted it with a smug grin and headed back towards the castle, eager to tell Dumbledore that she had gotten one over the greasy potions master. Hermione released Draco's wrists and patted his cheek gently.

"Good boy" she murmured before she rolled her hips again in victory and began to stand. Draco's hand shot out and wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her down he crushed his mouth to hers and kissed her hungrily. Three loud thuds could be heard as Snape, Harry and Ron all passed out cold at the sight of the two enemies kissing.

"Damn, its always the quiet ones!" Blaise murmured to Theo as the two Slytherins watched their Prince snog the daylights out of his Gryffindor Princess.

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_"And that was the start of your parents often rocky but always passionate relationship" a thirty six year old Blaise Zabini finished telling the story to two of his godchildren, sixteen year old Austin and thirteen year old Lucille._

_"Blaise what story did you tell them this time? It better not be another one of your gross stories about you and your wife!" Draco Malfoy said as he and his wife entered the sitting room in Malfoy Manor. Hermione carried two year old Celeste on her hip, her slightly rounded stomach pronouncing the future arrival of another Malfoy, visible under her robes. Draco set five year old Lucas down and turned to glare at his best friend._

_"I just told them the story of how you and Hermione got together" Blaise answered with a cheeky grin. Draco groaned._

_"Blaise, did you have to tell my children that I kissed their mother for the first time in a large mud hole just after she whipped my butt at mud wrestling?"_

_"Mum and Dad were mud wrestling? When?" ten year old Madison asked as she and seven year old Xander walked into the room, completing the Malfoy clan._

_"Never you mind!" Draco scowled, cutting Blaise off when he opened his mouth to reply._

_"Don't worry, I'll tell you later" Austin whispered to his younger siblings before they could complain about being left out. Draco glanced at his wife and smirked his eyes turning molten silver as he remembered that day. Hermione smiled in return and winked._

_Oh yeah, Draco Malfoy was indeed glad that he had finally yielded._

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Alright there you go, a response to my friends challenge i hope you all enjoyed it, and now i'm back to working on the next chapter for 'Its All About Blood'

Please read and review but no flames please.


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